Catharsis

Over the past few days, You have awakened me at increasing earlier intervals. I had asked years ago for revelation at any time, yet You received a piss-poor response. Sleep has overruled devotion. I have not been praying, seeking Your will, worshiping, and fellowshipping with You enough. That will change…

Financial worries have crept in my heart again. “Prayer on the spot” during negative stressful moments, like the children’s behavior, as You told me to is limited. I have been overly critical to the spouse. I have been putting myself out there, but I do not want to get so busy I neglect Our relationship. Time to cancel the TV show in my head and just live life no matter how bored or irritated I am. Sometimes it is better to gently step on the backs of the children’s heels on occasion than kick them.

Yeshua said, “For from everyone to whom much is given, much shall be required…” He spared me the pain of withdrawing from the church system and its oppressive tool, religion, and yet I repaid Him by being slow to obey and neglecting my Connection with Him (the Holy Spirit).

One may ask, “How do you know this? Aren’t you being too hard on yourself?”

He has shown me through a random number: 766.66 – you have the appearance of Me, yet soulish stuff stuck behind you [need more 7s (reacting in spiritual maturity) than 6s (focusing on flesh and soul)]. It is not about sinless perfection (impossible in this form and one would be deceased as not to “get dirty” again), but simply doing what He told me to do. He warned me through others and even stuck the first part of the refrain from Toni Braxton’s song, “Un-Break My Heart” in my head. *sigh* Message received.

I stopped using an alarm clock a while ago. Father, Lord Yeshua, You can wake me anytime You choose. Thank you for Your continued loving-kindness. Amen.

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